Today is July 26, 2012. And I woke up this morning with a feeling of guilt and desolation. I thought about the quality of my life and that of my family, and it struck me how much God has given us, and how well He looks after us and how much He protects us. I was struck by His awesome generosity, kindness, love and benevolence. And once again, the feeling of guilt and desolation swept through my entire being. To the loving God who has been so kind to us all -- what do we do for Him in return? I felt very small this morning as it struck me forcibly that I am not doing anything much at all in gratitude and shukrana to my most generous Lord. I thought, "People do so much, they give hundreds and millions of dollars in charity every year. They give so much and do so much and here I am, taking so much from Him but not giving at all much in return." With these thoughts, I sat down in prayer to apologize to my dear Lord, to beg His forgiveness for being a taker and not giving much at all.
It is then that a voice spoke to me that God does not expect big and exalted things from His loved ones. He does not ask for the building of big, big mosques and temples, schools and colleges etc. He is most happy with small but meaningful gestures of kindness and charity from His loved ones. This is because in small and meaningful acts of kindness and charity, there is no scope, or rather there is little scope for what is known as "dikhwaava" i.e. showing off, and as soon as I heard this voice, an instance from the life of Sant Kabir flashed in my mind:
Sant Kabir says that one time a very devout follower of the Lord Shri Krishna complained to the Lord in his prayers. He told the Lord that he has tried his best in his life to be as devout as possible. He has never missed a single time of prayer. He has never missed a single fast, he has done yagnas and has also made a lot of sacrifices, including hours of meditation and penance. And yet, his soul is still yearning for that ultimate prize, entry into the "Krishnadhaam" -- the personal abode of the Lord Himself, the place of complete and true peace and happiness. He complained to the Lord in this way and begged the Lord to guide him and to show him the correct way to the Krishnadhaam. That night, in his sleep, he saw a vivid image: He saw the Krishnadhaam whose gates were closed and being guarded by an angel. He then saw a man come up to the angel and ask him to open the gates and allow him entry into the Krishnadhaam. The angel asked the man why he should open the gates for him.
"What? Have you not heard of who I am!" the man exclaimed to the angel. "Do you not know I have spent hundreds and millions of dollars for the good of mankind? All over the world, you will find temples, mosques, university buildings, hospitals with my name on them. Now open the gates and allow me entry."
The angel shook his head and said, "No. I am sorry but for all your good deeds you have received praise and recognition from the world. In fact, you carried out all these good deeds for just that purpose. It was for yourself and not for the Lord Krishna. So there is no place for you here. Go away."
The dream continues with another man coming up to the angel and demanding entry. The angel asked him the same question, to which the man replied, "I have done so much for the poor in the world. I have opened shelters and food canteens and free clinics all over the world. I have ensured that the poor are well looked after."
Once again, the angel shook his head and denied him entry for the same reason. Thereafter, a third man arrived, dressed in the robes of a hermit. He requested for entry and was asked the same question.
"I have taken my Lord's name a million times," he responded. "I have spent 8 to 10 hours a day just on meditation and I have even spent years, standing on one leg and chanting my Lord's name. I have gone through austerity and penance. I have spent time in cold water during the freezing winter, praying and meditating. Surely I deserve to go in."
The angel shook his head and said, "It is true you have done what you say but all that was for yourself and in return you accepted praise, recognition and adulation by gathering a large group of disciples who treated you as God Himself. So you have received your reward for your sacrifices and there is no place for you here."
And with that, the hermit was turned away. At that moment, the angel saw a man dressed in ragged clothing standing some distance away and watching the gates of the Krishnadhaam. The angel called the man to come and asked him why he too did not wish to enter the Krishnadhaam like the others.
"I am but a poor carpenter and if the wealthy philanthropists and pious hermit were turned away, what hope do I have of entering this exalted abode? That is why I decided to stand afar and just lust for the abode from a distance."
The angel asked him to describe what he did the day before.
The carpenter said that he went to work but did not manage to sell any of his carvings. He then came home with empty pockets and asked his wife to make a simple meal. He thereafter extracted a small portion of the rice his wife had cooked and carried it over to his neighbour, a poor destitute woman who had been sick and bedridden for some time. He sat by her bedside and spooned a few morsels of rice into her mouth. He then picked the Geeta and read her a few chapters from the Holy Book. Thereafter, noticing the dust in her room, he picked up the broom and swept the room clean. He then prayed to the Lord Krishna saying, "I have done this in your name, the little that I could. Please grant this woman health and please look after her." With that, he returned home.
Immediately, the angel opened the gates of the Krishnadhaam and with respect and hospitality ushered the poor carpenter into the splendorous abode. "You helped the sick woman in the name of the Lord Krishna with no expectations for yourself. Now the Lord Krishna invites you into His abode." (end of story)
Immediately, my feelings of guilt and desolation dissolved. It is not big acts of charity that are dear to the Lord. Small, small acts of kindness: giving a packet of milk to the beggar at the corner, helping a sick neighbour, giving a smile and words of encouragement to a sad child, lending a sympathetic ear to a troubled friend etc. It is all such small but meaningful acts that will bring us closer to He who is above all else. But as we learn from the above instance, whatever we do, dedicate it in the name of the Lord, with no expectations of rewards and recognition.
I thank God for this inspirational revelation and hope to bring a smile to someone's lips today so that God may smile on me and my loved ones.
